Lost and Not Forgotten
by Loise
Summary: Sylvia Noventa, her life after she refused the gun by Heero. Sought by Trieze, running from the military, she learns of the war. And then... Peace.


_Lost and Not Forgotten_

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It was a loyal troop of my grandfather's, or had been. They had been furious, that he had died and I know, very angry at their selves for letting him die. They thought themselves responsible. Nothing I would say would make them back down on the point, I stopped... a few months ago. I suspect they thought this would make it up for him. I don't know.

After his death, and the deaths of the peace proclaiming Federation generals, they could have been wiped out by OZ supporters and troops, they weren't.

They were stuck in the Black Forest of Germany, where my family, on my mother's side had originated. With me. It seemed rather, I don't know, _feudal_, to me.

The death had resulted in their change over of allegiance to me. From grandfather to granddaughter.

My parents had died not even a decade into their marriage, assassinated when I was young, because of who my grandfather was. My brother was some where on the colonies, I had lost contact with him a few months into the war, I didn't know if he as alive or dead. The last news I had from his was of the birth of second child, I want him to live. My younger sister is with my mother's sister, she has changed her name and now, seems to have forgotten everything, she was so young. I never had the chance to get to know who she was.

It wasn't safe for me in the world. I had run, becoming one of the many small groups of soldiers fighting, only I never was a soldier. We were never as rouge as others, but I do regret the list of people who had died. Innocents caught up in a battle that was stupid, uncomprehending and seemingly endless.

A cousin of mine offered me a family household, away from everything happened I was told. I accepted, only because I had seen ten of _my_ men die that day.

It was still the same, they refused to leave me to go on my own path, however dangerous. I couldn't understand and I snapped at the Captain.

He rebuffed me and I stormed off. I hadn't showered in three days. I stank. I was angry. The clenches of pain in my stomach only made me madder. This was not a good time to female.

Most of the time I was dressed as a boy, for safety. I hadn't minded, it wasn't a chore. After seeing what happened to some women, I had even in some relish accepted it.

Right now, I wanted to be pretty. To feel pretty. I wanted my long blonde hair back, I didn't want some hastily dyed mud brown choppily cut hair.

I was feeling selfish. I tried not to, but sometimes it creeped out and I was left feeling miserable and tired as well as guilty. Other girls didn't have to deal with being utterly bereft of their families. To be constantly worrying for the concern of a couple score men. To have their eyes stare at you with admiration, when you haven't done anything to deserve it. I didn't want it, but it was mine.

But then again, and I sighed with sorrow and anger, I didn't have to deal with the unwanted touches of lusty, arrogant men who trespassed on your person. I wasn't at the front line, conscripted to fight a battle I didn't know the meaning of. I wasn't a mother watching my children die.

I walked back, a sorry, hang dog expression of my face. The Captain forgave me quickly, ruffling my hair. I suppose my new home would have a few more house guests.

* * *

The house was run down and had no running water. A bomb had done that during the years when my grandfather was still a soldier, fighting and killing. He had died in war, one of the many victims. I wondered what his old enemies would think. He had killed most of them. Not, I considered, all of them. I wondered if there was any justice in it all.

While I mourned in the parlor, the soldiers started making the place a bit more habitable. I knew I was being lazy. It was just, that lately I was always feeling sad. Christmas was coming and this year would be the first without grandfather. Without any family at all. I wondered about by missing siblings and sighed. Then coughed.

Dust. My new enemy. I stood up and opened a window, letting in the late afternoon breeze in. In various rooms, people were bustling back and forth, brooms and mops in their hands. Everything was old and worn, but it worked, most of it anyway.

Tomorrow, I guess we would have to go to the nearest town and buy supplies. I really hoped that they weren't OZ supporters, even in civilian clothing, we were pretty conspicuous. With this many, this many mouths and all that went along with it, it's hard not to stand out.

Fifteen soldiers of the Federation, and me.

There used to be forty of them. Or there about, back then I was raging at the Captain, and wanted no part in their quest for redemption, for loyalty, I didn't want to know how many ther were, or their names.

I was going to stay with my grandmother before I heard there was a price on my head, set by Trieze himself. Then everything was complicated and two of them died. Then one more threw himself in front of a bullet meant for me. He died in another attack three days later.

Others deserted, vanishing in the night. That wanted nothing more in this, they were wanted men and it was so dangerous. A few were captured, I never knew what happened to them. Some never returned from towns where they were supposed to be gathering information or more often than not, food.

They were dropping away, sometimes before we got the chance to even bury the dead. There was no truce, no compassion for the fellow soldier. It was hot, dirty and bloody. I was hating it all with a passion. It was another round of bullets being shot in the night.

A couple weeks ago I received a letter from my grandmother. It... recounted the events of the past few months but for the past fortnight or two. Her perspective strengthened me, but she had no idea what I was going through. Peace is a rough prospect when all you see is the faces of war. You tend to think that this is all you've got and that nothing can get better, because nothing has.

But, she was trying to do her best. She told me to never give up. She told me about Relena Peacecraft and what she had become. A symbol to the world. I wasn't sure what that was, but it had to mean something, right?

She mentioned Heero Yuy and I smiled at his name. The lost boy, the one who wanted me to kill him. I laugh, an edge of madness in my tone. A couple looks were sent my way but, I was now I was crying.

Life is so confusing, everything just messes itself up and expects you to clean it up! I sneeze and spin around until I lose balance and fall on my bottom.

* * *

When I heard about the last major battle of the war, I couldn't believe that it had happened. The vid casters were happier than usual and were showing joyful people in the streets all over the world celebrating.

I probably would have thought it just propaganda until I heard the blessed fireworks going off.

Fireworks... fireworks! They were sparkling reds, greens, blues in the night sky. Everyone ran out and watched them with a look of shocked awe on their faces.

It seemed forever since I had seen them. This area had been very quiet even before the tanks had rolled in. Some towns people had been sneaking us food, but it was never enough.

We were hungry, tired and just plain sick of it all. But we stayed up all night just staring at the sky.

Sound was brilliant when you have to be as quiet as possible. Silence is oppressive when you know you are being quelled. The fireworks, for me, was a great yell for freedom.

I shouted, I screamed, I yelped with joy and danced around jubilantly, throwing my arms around random people as moved around, not caring at that moment about anything at all.

But for the word... _Free_... that was ringing through my mind.

I looked up in the sky and wondered what those other flashes had meant, especially the one that shone out to me brightest of them all.

It wasn't much later learnt what they meant. Most of the death's I couldn't feel sadness. I did feel hollow and that I was told was the worse I could feel. I wasn't so sure.

* * *

When I heard about Mariamaia, I nearly laughed in my grandmother's face. It wasn't entirely appropriate, but then, we change and I had changed.

It was Christmas again, and the last one still rang in my mind. The first without my grandparents, without anyone but the gruff company of soldiers aged before their time.

With the same desperate frenzy, I watched the screen as it unfolded before my eyes.

What happened next shocked me. And I was there. The quickest plane, me, smuggled on board, a very last minute passenger, flying to the centre of the trouble spot.

I was one of those people who refused war and embraced peace with all my heart. I couldn't let grandfather, grandmother and myself down.

Hope was so special that Christmas. So heartbreakingly beautiful.

* * *

Heero Yuy. A menacing presence behind Relena Dorlian, despite the vow not to kill.

Three years since he offered me a gun.

He hasn't grown much, but has filled out a bit more and it looks like the bulkiness isn't just the gun. From my vantage point, I think he can't see, but as I rise and turn around, I'm stopped.

Should I say that I'm happy for him? That I'm glad that he gave up killing? That's he really is quite an attractive young man? I slowly swivel and meet the bemused gaze of the Vice Foreign Minister.

Cringing I offer my best smile. Which turns out to be quite like a grimace. She smiles back and points to a shadowed corner, just visible is the hunched shape of Heero Yuy, ever curled around himself. Watching, nervous and always waiting.

We're walking, talking small talk. Politics and religion, I remember learning from my grandmother, are not to be discussed with company. Grandfather always broke that rule.

Through I don't notice it at the time, we're nearing a potted plant, that now hides a panicking Heero. That's what he tells me _much_ later anyway. Relena has a fixed smile of her face and I start to feel anxious.

She's pushing me towards him and I start to slip in the heels that I hastily put on to make my legs look slimmer. I've gained a bit more that what I should have. Grandmother's excellent cook ruins me.

His hands take a hold on my waist and I smile with terror up at him. I'm breathing, to my eternal hatred of my lungs, too quickly.

It's a small smile but I notice it straight away. The breathing problem is solved.

"Hello Sylvia." He says simply, as I gain balance and lean away from his chest.

"Er, hi," I murmur, trying not to kill myself, it's very hard not to, when you can't say a word! Maybe I shouldn't have stopped breathing _completely_.

"There's going to be fireworks tonight, would you like to watch them with me?" He says rather stiltedly, formally, but I barely notice.

How does he know? How does he bloody know? Fireworks, since that Christmas Eve have held a special place in my heart. I attend them as much as possible.

Across the room, I see the Captain and Relena holding their glasses up at me as they exchange smug glances with one another. I mouth some very descriptive swear words that the soldiers so artfully told me. The Captain just winks. Relena merely looks slightly puzzled before shrugging and accepting to dance with a bashful but proud Chang Wufei.

Heero may have guessed what I was saying, he certainly knows how to lip read. Which, I might add, comes in very useful in times of... _stress_.

"I'd be delighted," I said and smile at him, a blush infusing my cheeks. He's looking just as pink as me.

* * *

Later that night the fireworks go off. Reds and blues, greens and pinks, star bursts in the sky. It was the one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen.

Heero held my hand through the entire spectacle.

I went to sleep that night with my ears ringing and my eyes still flashing with colour. My lips were tingling slightly and I couldn't stop smiling.

* * *

AN: So did you like? It's a bit different. 

I have fulfilled a longing to write about Sylvia Noventa and a pairing with her and Heero. I am very pleased that I did. The pairing part of the fic is only at the end, however. Still I'm kind of concerned about the whole canoness of what happened, but, meh. My fic.


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